06 July 2010

he's unresponsive because you're irresponsible

WARNING: The following is a real journal-esque post. While reading, you make experience boredom, indifference, annoyance, narcolepsy, questioning of the sanity of the author, excessive twitching. 

God, you forgave me. Not because I prayed the right prayer or prayed long enough or hard enough. Not because I feel guilty or not. Not because you loved me a little less or a little more. Not because my first reaction was to pray or to ignore you. Not even because I asked you to forgive me. You were going to regardless. You forgave me because you love me, now, like I am, not less, not more. You've never loved me more and never loved me less. You forgave me because I'm broken and torn about it. You gave me the strength to combat it and seek the way out, and next time I'll lean more on you to do exactly that. 

"The past is playing with my head, failure knocks me down again. I'm reminded of the wrong that I have said and done and that devil just won't let me forget.  My mistakes are running through my mind, I'll relive my days in the middle of the night. When I don't fit in and I don't feel like I belong anywhere, when I don't measure up to much in this life, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ."

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